Synthetic Persona... Would i break first?
Going crazy... I'm really messed up. This is bad, I'm really doing way tooo much.All these for? Probally nothing at all...
When would i wake up n stop doing so many foolish n meaningless things?
Everynight, every waking moment I'm thinking of her.
What is she doing? Is she happy etc etc...
吃心? 吃情? 还是白吃! lol 中毒太深, 无药可救 =(
I know she doesnt think of me at all lor =( but I'm still keep doing things to make her happy...
It's becoming a nightmare, an endless one which I cant control...
Sorry guys, I'm like failing all of you, I just cant be sensible about it.
Even now I'm searching around for really meaningful stuff for her b'day gift =(
To date, I've never put in as much effort n soul in preparing a gift as this.
K those whom read this is surely gona kill me liao! ~_~
Let's face it, I wont be able to hit her soft spot.
She's waiting to see how long my infatuation last...
Would this be the final stupid act? I really do hope so...
But I'm really addicted to seeing her warm smile x_x
My life is in shabbles, by right I'm suppose to talk about Dog & Paul-si-ble's b'day dinner...
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Waiting for a call that would never come. I wont SMS.
It would seem I'm being stubborn n persistant if i was to do so...
The ball is no longer in my court and rolling away. I yearn to get it back, but... I shouldn't.
Let it go... Let it go...
Surprisingly she called unexpectedly, first time she took the initiative.
I shall see how it goes.
I wont contact her... I'm sorry
Everytime she call surely bo ho tai ji eh >_< She'll only call when she needs my help.
Oh well...No choice la...
Wonder if she'll call again tonight...
She prefers to play grow online than chat, how sad...
but better lor, i wont hv the chance to spill the beans then ;>
Shhh! Those that were with me these few days...
28th is a special day, its the date i first spoke to her n saw her... It would forever be in my memory.
Nothing special, just a bouquet of flowers...
"Colors to brighten up your monday blues"
I'm at the end of her priority list, everytime i ask her out is meet with rejection. Getting really tired of asking her out liao. She said wait till post xmas n she'll be free. no dates wat-so-ever.
Gd lor hurt me somemore please...
She really isnt worth all the time n effort i put into her. I'm not asking much only asking her for sometime, which she couldn't even give me. lol
I should treat her the way i treat janis, like a nobody to me.
No emotions, no anything. Since to her I'm a nobody. Anyone would do watever they could to cherish those they feel important, to her I'm not important enough.
After the gathering, think she's pissed at us for not saying anything n just leaving her there. In fact i was more than 2 hrs late!haha I stayed on so late just coz for her n she said we looked xian xian? hehe I didnt wana say gd bye is coz i know i would stick on to her, so better leave w/o words. My style, but it doesnt suit her
Her SMS is now void of emotion n laughter like previous. Even if she does SMS, it is much more sparse n we've got nothing to talk abt. This wall of silence is growing so much, day by day.
There would also be no chance of asking her out for movies anymore, leaving lesser options for me to ask her out.
Leaving less topics for me to discuss w her.
Oh wat should i do... Maybe this is the best...
2006 is coming but i still find no joy in it... I've gota fake it, my life is void
Still feel the same, nothing much has changed except to control my feelings for her. I wont let it show on my face n actions so much...
Understood this simple sentence, "to her i'm just a normal friend, maybe not even one?"
No matter how she treats me, i would continue loving her, silently...
She re-affirms to me she's only out to have fun, whoever can make her happy n make her smile she would go out with them.
Based on this, she joined in this potluck. She wants to meet bat. To tease him n have fun. The only two things in this gathering which could make her smile n be happy was Bat n MJ's little ger Dory?
Yes it's fun for her n all, i also did enjoy it. Deep inside i know it isnt me who brought her joy n laughter. So be it.
She already has Bat's contact, would she would ask him out direct in the future? I wont know...
Guess she would ask him to join her cliq or intro him some nice ger? hehe no idea...
Least she could make Bat happy la hehe
A new year this is, molo would be working...
This would be the end, i no longer feel the hurt or pin anymore hopes on her.
I should feel resentment for her, but strangely i dont feel so anymore. No longer am i so emotional about her
I'm only dissapointed in myself n this "fren" of mine
Ironically, Instead of killing my feelings, we've suceeded in killing this friendship... lol
I no longer wish to be hurt by her no more. No fren of mine would hurt me so much, even if its unintentional
I hate to put on this mask like the rest...especially towards her
Starting to write things which i find repulsive, words which would really hurt but still quite soft as wat i could have wrote...
is this where i'm heading? writing stuff in the blog where it might hurt others whom read it?
my blog isnt a weapon for me to hurt others... it never was meant to be... wat have i turned it into?
i should stop her from visiting it, shouldn't have asked her back to read it...
wat a delihma i've caused...
guess she's strong n wont take it to heart...
wat do i want to achieve from all these meaningless actions?
kill time? make frenz lose trust n support in me? get her attention?
think in the end i would really lose her trust n frenship...
maybe its best tt she didnt know of it, part in style so she wont have bad memories of me...
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